Twenty-fifteen has brought about so many changes in my life. Instead of cringing and fearing them, I gracefully embraced them. I told myself that these experiences will mold me into becoming a better version of myself.
I no longer want to cling to all the “could have beens”. It’s not that I’ve lost hope, because really – hope is what fuels my soul when I am at my lowest. It’s more of accepting that some things are just not meant to happen, because if God wanted those people and those things in my life, they would still be here but they’re not – I guess I have grown tired of blaming myself. Instead of sulking and clinging to them, I allowed them to slowly slip off my grasp.
I am not gonna lie though, there are times when my moods bounce from one extreme end to the other. I have dealt with a boatload of anxiety that it came to a point where I no longer had the energy to give a f*ck.
At times, I feel like I am literally devoid of any real emotion and there is an emptiness in me that cannot be filled. I am still searching for something, but I really have no idea what it is exactly that I am searching for.
I have wandered around to see new places, and faces. But in the end, when the curtains fall, I retire to my sanctuary and crawl safely back into my cocoon, just as I always do.
After eons of agonizing silence and countless blank pages, here I am – writing again. I patiently remained in a state of repose, and hoped that someday, my ever elusive muse would again knock on my door.
Ink is starting to spill, and I can breathe again.
Waves of black smoke wallowed into the room where I dwell in solitude. I hear your voice resembling the echoes of thundering cannons fired from a distance. I lay motionless on a bed of carefully crafted thorns, my mind wandering in the dark, revisiting the rustic cottage where I kept all my memories of you. I will always run back to you for comfort, for strength, for inspiration. You will forever be my muse.
I’m a runner, metaphorically speaking.
Whenever life gets hard, I run. I run as fast as I can without stopping for even a second to glance or look back. Instead of facing my problems head on, I run towards the opposite direction. I’ve always been like this. I’m afraid of uncertainty. I’m scared of losing. Failure has always been my greatest fear. I’ve had my fair share of disappointments and heartaches. I have learned the most important lessons in life the hard way. I’ve been to the darkest places where others dare not tread. I’ve been warned countless times but I never once listened to what others had to say. I’m too stubborn and selfish for that. I can never be persuaded. I have my principles in life and right or wrong – I will always, always stand my ground. No one gets to tell me what to do because this right here is my road, my life and I will walk or run at my own pace. These are my decisions and mine alone.
Yes, this is my life and no one gets to have a say – not even you.
She met him once somewhere but she couldn’t quite put the pieces together. Was it in the nearby coffee shop? Or the busy streets of oblivion? Or maybe she happened to have accidentally bumped into him in her dreams. All she knew was, she has seen that wickedly handsome and annoyingly arrogant face. She just couldn’t remember where. Maybe he still lingers in the dark recesses of her mind.
Maybe, just maybe.
Let my cute little hedgie put a smile on your face as he teaches you how to have a good time.
Maybe she was destined to become a ruthless mercenary. Elysse thought to herself as she wiped her hands clean of the blood stains. She recalled how she felt a sudden surge of satisfaction as she gracefully executed her first kill. It was glorious, like a fleeting moment of unexplained bliss.
Aiming to stretch this into 30,000 words. Yes, the writing is ongoing. So, wish me luck! 😀
In the midst of this minute fantasy
I’m your prisoner held in captivity
There’s no way out
I can’t escape this misery
Everywhere I look
It’s your majestic visage that I see
I’m a masochist
Oh yes, the pain I do embrace
Like crimson silk and lace
I stare at you for reasons unknown
I stare more
And you gaze at her
With gleaming eyes
While mine are sore
Silently I weep inside
And in the darkness, I slowly hide
She begged him to stop. She hid in the dark corner to shield herself from his violent attacks.
He screamed and threw hard punches. She couldn’t bear the nightmare. She ran to him. She was tugging his shirt, crying and screaming,
“Daddy, daddy, please don’t hurt mommy!”
but the man who smelled of nicotine and cheap alcohol ignored her weeping. He struggled to loosen her grip and without a hint of hesitation, he pulled the trigger.
She fell on the floor and as the innocent child crawled towards her, she whispered her last words, “I.. I love you, Sophia.”
The monster left her drenched in her mama’s blood.